“…many parents, educators, and therapists prioritize academic achievement over instilling happiness, even if it greatly increases stress. In fact I have heard proponents of some approaches take issue with the idea of emphasizing happiness, arguing that for children with autism, it is far more important to develop skills than to be happy. In other words, instead of measuring happiness, we should be measuring skills.

“Not only is this way of thinking misguided, but it misses the point. Children – and all human beings – learn more readily when they are happy. They retain information more effectively when they feel positive emotion. When we try to learn under persistently stressful situations, we retain less, and it’s more difficult for us to access what we learned. But when we’re feeling a positive emotion, we’re more primed for a learning experience, and our learning is deeper and far more effective.”

– Barry M. Prizant, Uniquely Human

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because academics isn’t the ultimate end

“Asking if I want to be healed is like asking if I want to like anchovies. I cannot imagine what liking anchovies would feel like, what taste they would have in my mouth. People who like anchovies tell me they taste good; people who are normal tell me being normal feels good. They cannot describe the taste or the feeling in a way that makes sense to me.”

– Elizabeth Moon, The Speed of Dark

liking anchovies

“In all great works of fiction, regardless of the grim reality they present, there is an affirmation of life against the transience of that life, an essential defiance. This affirmation lies in the way the author takes control of reality by retelling it in his own way, thus creating a new world. Every great work of art, I would declare pompously, is a celebration, an act of insubordination against the betrayals, horrors and infidelities of life.”

– Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

insubordination

…the same thing that distinguishes addiction from passionate interest also divides unhealthy love from that which is the highest experience of humanity. That is, love is real when it expands and enhances your life – and troubling and problematic when it contracts or impairs it. Whether you love a person, a drug, or an intellectual interest, if it is spurring creativity, connection, and kindness, it’s not an addiction – but if it’s making you isolated, dull, and mean, it is.

– Maia Szalavitz, Unbroken Brain: A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction

 

healthy vs. unhealthy love

“If you manipulate, coerce and bully your children, you will have no power at all. If you lead with humility, gentleness, and by example, you will need no power at all.” – William Martin

power

“We destroy the love of learning in children, which is so strong when they are small, by encouraging and compelling them to work for petty and contemptible rewards, gold stars, or papers marked 100 and tacked to the wall, or A’s on report cards, or honor rolls, or dean’s lists, or Phi Beta Kappa keys, in short, for the ignoble satisfaction of feeling that they are better than someone else.”

 – John Holt

the love of learning